Holy Kitsune!
by gryphonsson
Summary: WHAT DO YOU MEAN NARUTO'S DEAD? Wait... HE'S IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH KAMI? Oh Lord... NaruFemKami, rated M for safety.


(White Namekian walks in room)

Namekian: Yo!

Sasuke: Who are you asshole?!?

Namekian: Well, GS is busy working on 2 other fics at once, so he's having me host this fic. I'm X. Who are you?

Sasuke: I AM THE ALMIGHTY SASUKE UCHIHA!

X: Okay… Let's see… (looks at clipboard) Ah! Here you are! It says to… Hmm… Yes… Okay then! FIRE IN THE A-HOLE!

Bunbuns: OKAY! (grabs Sasuke, shunshins away, leaving green smoke, and a green version of the mushroom cloud thingy that happens when a bomb goes off forms in the distance.)

Blue-haired girl that looks about Naruto's age: GOOD LORD! WHAT IN THE NAME OF ME IS THAT SMELL?!?

X: That, Kami, would be Bunbuns' Explosive Fart technique. That rabbit has some weird techniques.

Sasuke: (From far, FAR off) GOOD KAMI!

Blue-haired girl: (If you figured out who she is, don't read) You called?

(Naruto's jaw drops, X sweatdrops, and Shikon face-faults)

X: Anyway, GS doesn't own Naruto. If you have a problem with that, you can take up with me… and you don't want to do that. Also, GS is sorry if he offends anyone in this fic.

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Prologue:

Death of a Jinchuuriki, Birth of a God

A three-year-old Naruto stood on a mountain path. He wasn't sure where he was or how he got there, but he had a few suspicions…

- - Flashback - -

"There he is! Get him!"

Naruto rushed through the streets, running from the angry mob. Contrary to what everyone thought, Naruto knew to a T why they were chasing him. After all, he had talked with Kyuubi, or as Naruto nicknamed him, "Kyu-nii-san," on a number of occasions. He even managed to squeeze some training and a few jutsu from the fox. But

Naruto ran into a dead end. He turned around and the last thing he saw was two red eyes with three tomoes (the comma thingies)… and a lot of fire. His last word was, "SHIT!"

- - Flashback End - -

A white Namekian snapped Naruto out of his thoughts. (A/N: No prize for guessing who it is!)

"Hey kiddo, you lost?"

Naruto turned around and smiled that sheepish smile of his. "Yep. You got any idea where I am?"

"'Course I do. I live around here. Come on, you can stay at my place." He started walking in one direction. "So, what's your name, kiddo?"

"I'm Naruto Uzumaki, and one day I'm gonna be Hokage!"

"I'm X, former apprentice of the Shinigami."

"Really? COOL! Do you think you could teach me some new jutsu, mister?"

X grinned. "I got one for you, but let's get to my place first." 'I'll give you one thing, kiddo, you're just as energetic dead as you were alive.'

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Meanwhile, the Gods of the universe (namely Odin the Norse God, Zeus, Kami, the Shinigami, UL (read the Belgariad series by David Eddings), the twin dragons of Light and Dark, Jesus Christ, and the Jewish God Yahweh) were meeting in council.

"So it's agreed, then. Jesus will tell his worshippers to stop killing Yahweh's worshippers. Next order of business. Kami, when are you going to marry?" asked Neos the Light dragon*.

A blue-haired girl that looked about 4 years older than Naruto on the other side of the table just said, "Soon. I have a specific candidate in mind."

Chaos the Dark dragon*, ever the nosy one, asked, "Who?"

Kami grinned and gave the answer that would effectively screw that universe forever: "Naruto Uzumaki, mortal vessel of the Kyuubi no Kitsune."

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GS: (grins) So, what do you think?

Everyone: (gapes)

GS: Anyway, since so many people voted on the poll for this, I'll give them the NaruIno fic and either a NaruFemNaru fic (this is NOT a typo) or a NaruHina fic that is part 1 of a series where OC's of my creation go into various universes and turn them inside-out and upside-down.

Everyone: (jaws fall off)

GS: Well, time to go, I gotta do jaw surgery! R&R, fellas, R&R!

*: An OC


End file.
